When an argument happens, what is that experience like for you?
Do you ever walk away feeling unseen or misunderstood, like you tried so hard to say things well, yet something still got lost? Maybe you feel overwhelmed, emotional, or shut down because it seems no one is really hearing you.
If that’s true for you, it may also be true for your teenager.
What if your child isn’t trying to be difficult or defiant, but is instead struggling to make sense of emotions that feel too big for them right now? What if they don’t feel understood, affirmed, or respected in the ways they most need, and the only responses they know how to access are anger or withdrawal?
Many teenagers don’t yet have the skills to regulate intense emotions or express their needs clearly. In those moments, their behaviour may be less about rebellion and more about survival.
Whether you see this pattern in your child—or even in your spouse—what they are often longing for most is simple, but profound:
Do you see me? Am I safe with you, even when I’m not at my best?
They want to know they can come to you when they’re overwhelmed, confused, or messy, and that the relationship won’t break under the weight of those moments.
One gentle and powerful way to create this kind of safety is through a communication practice called reflective listening. Reflective listening means slowing down and focusing on understanding, not fixing. It involves listening for the words, the emotions, and the meaning behind what’s being said, and then reflecting that back through paraphrasing or summarizing.
You don’t have to agree with what your teenager is saying to practice this. Often it begins with a simple phrase like:
“I hear you saying…”
When someone feels truly heard, their nervous system can begin to settle. This single practice can open the door to deeper trust, connection, and safety—sometimes in ways that feel almost surprising.
Next week, we’ll talk about what comes after safety is established, and how to move forward together from there.